Ugh. The holidays....

Well, this is the first time being single around the holidays. 
One of the first questions friends and family ask after you're divorced is, "How are you guys going to deal with the holidays?"  ummmm...I'm not sure.

Like all families we have traditions.  Do you keep those?  Or just revise them?  In my case, we keep...for now.  I know many divorced friends who split the holidays, 'you get the kids Thanksgiving, I get them Christmas Eve,  you get Christmas day  I get them Easter you get them 4th of July...ugh, the holidays....' Before long your children become objects that are passed around without any thought to what they want.

Of course they want their parents back together.  But that's not an option for many.  So now what?
Every situation is different. Whether you get along with your ex-inlaws, or not, really sets the tone for just how well the holiday's will go.  

I was recently told that I should write a book on how to divorce the "right:" way...as if there is a "right" way to divorce.  But I knew exactly what this person meant.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy, it wasn't painless...but it was amicable.

Still a Family

You may not agree with me on this one, however, I tell my children everyday that even though we are divorced, we are still a family, albeit, a little disjointed.  But it works.  They are comforted by this and I truly believe because I reiterate it often, they are at peace.

Just you wait.

Now that you are thinking, 'omg, Susan has got to take off those rose colored glasses' I will renew your faith in me...that I'm not totally naive.   Everyone (Mom mostly) says, 'sure, things are going great now..but just you wait!'  Just wait for what???  Oh yeah...that.  The day that one of us meets someone else.

Wow! Is anyone happy?

It's funny.  When I was married I would be envious of other couples who appeared so happy together.  I found myself watching couples all the time.  I would see how they interact with one another at parties, at school functions with their kids, at various events. I would think how lucky they are to be  happy.

Now that I'm divorced I've suddenly become the "go to girl."  I cannot tell you how many people have approached me (men and women) (friends and aquaintances) to ask me, 'so, how did you do it?'  I think they mean how did I find the courage to divorce.

Let me first make it very clear, I am NOT an advocate for divorce, not by a long shot.  I am an advocate of being happy however, and whatever you need to do to become happy is your decision.

I have heard from many people who say they are just not happy with their spouse.  Many tell me they don't love them "that way" anymore.  It's funny, some of those same people are the very people I was envious of.

Appearances aren't everything.

When you have kids you put on a show. Plain and simple.  No one wants to appear unhappy with their life.  I know I certainly didn't.  Don't get me wrong, I was and am very happy. But there was always that underlying feeling that something just wasn't right.

Is this you?

What I hear over and over and OVER again from those friends who seek me out for advice is:
 'I just don't feel anything for (him/her).'
 ' We rarely sleep together'
 'We barely speak, unless it's to coordinate our kids schedules'
 'I could never leave because of the kids'
 'I'm just...not happy'

So what's happened to us?   Wow!  Is anyone happy?

Seeing is not believing

I do believe it may not be pure happiness that we are really seeing in many couples around us, but probably more than likely compatibility and complacency and the need to stay together because, well, it's what we're supposed to do.  Or the fear that single life at our age...sucks. ;)

Seriously? Mom!

Why is it that Mom's have that uncanny way of making you feel like you're 16 again.  Let's see, I've been out of the house since I was 18, have a career, been married, had kids and yet now that I'm divorced she's giving ME dating advice! UGH. How embarassing. 

I'm hearing things from her that take me back to my days in high school when I would sit in my room playing "Reunited" on my record player over and over and over again....just hoping my then boyfriend would call me (call NOT text)...and yes, I said record player.

I know this is all new territority for both my Mom and I.  Clearly things have changed since I last dated (more than 17 years ago).  For instance.  I have 3 kids. Now that's a really ice breaker isn't it!  Cell phones didn't exist, neither did Facebook, blogs...was life easier back then? Or now? I will say one thing, texting allows people to say things they would never say on the phone or in person.  In fact, I had an entire relationship started via text, a date set up soley on text, plans confirmed via text, thankfully dinner was in person, and then the relationship ended via text (won't tell you who initiated that ;)

Back to Mom.  I know she means well.  But really, I think I've done pretty well on my own over the years, and yes, much of that has to do with great parents who taught me right from wrong.  I'm not 16 anymore.  Whatever choices I make now and going forward aren't just for my benefit....I have 3 other very good reasons to continue down the right path.

Oh...btw, I got "accepted" into that dating club.

Stay tuned.

Date Night.

Seriously, such pressure.  Why does Saturday have to conjure up such anxiety.  When you're single and Saturday rolls along and you have no plans, do you feel a little, well, alone?  Especially if you're like me and all of your friends are with their husbands and other couples going out on "date night." 

Yes, I have such wonderful friends who will say, 'why don't you come out with us?  It's ok, we would love your company.'  ahhh, yeah, but seriously, that's kind of weird, don't you think?

Anyway, I have figured out how to get through weekends when I don't have any "plans"....aka, a date.  I paint. I've painted the boys room, Caty's room,  my room and last night, my living room.  Crap.  I'm running out of rooms.  Now what?

By the way...I signed up with an "exclusive" dating club...so exclusive I have to get accepted!  I filled out an application, had to supply my height, weight and pictures (head shot and body shot), salary,  really!  BTW, I'm still waiting. 

Stay tuned.

A Huge Leap of Faith...

Let me introduce myself first.  For many of you, you probably know me as a TV reporter in the Providence market.  I've been here for 19 years.  I got married 15 years ago, had 3 children and recently got divorced. There it is in a nutshell.

I have a wonderful relationship with my ex-husband.  The reason for this?  He is a wonderful person and we have 3 children who need us to get along. 

A huge leap of faith.

I am in my 40's.  I do not want to be alone forever.  So now comes the thought of dating. Seriously!? OMG, what have I done!  I live in a neigbhorhood that has mostly intact families...meaning, a mom and dad, aka husband and wife.  I am that "single" mom up the road....eek! 

What now?

I decided to blog.  I have to believe I'm not alone.  There has to be so many of you out there, in a similar situation.  You're divorced, or widowed, in your 40's, with children, and you want to get out there and get a life.  Whether you are a man or a woman, let's share our stories. 

My Dating Blog.

Yup. That about sums it up.  Nothing to say because I haven't started dating!  But that is going to change because I am going to make it happen....stay tuned.